Just a few minutes back, for some reason I was in quite an agitated state. Working on an eight year old relic of a desktop was certainly not helping. Even the 'unresponsive plugin' dialog box was 'not responding'. And suddenly my playlist decided to play this particularly angst-ridden song, the actual lyrics of which had no particular resonance with my current state of mind, but the general feeling of bitterness, anger and angst was a pretty neat fit. So as one tends to do in such a scenario, I kept playing the song over and over again. Even now as I am writing and after a few drastically contrasting upbeat songs, I have gone back to it and playing it on loop, to sustain that angst, even if only in spirit. But I digress. So after hearing it a couple of times, my first impulse was to stop what I was working on, move on to the browser and share on Facebook that I was listening to this particular song. But I checked myself in time, as I realized, what good would that accomplish? It won't put across what I was actually feeling to anyone. Even if it did convey something, it would be something totally different. And it would definitely be of no use. So I stopped and moved on. But this was more of an exception than the norm. The fact that I had just shared a video of baby sloths squeaking from a science-themed page on my wall just a few minutes before this incident is testament enough - of the fact that I am a compulsive sharer. Or more specifically, a compulsive 'social-network' sharer. And I admit it with every ounce of shame possible. Not that its a new realization. I have always known it, and admitted to it. And the co-inhabitants of this cyber network of mine have been by and large very kind and tolerant of this rather irritating and annoying habit of mine. Apart from a comment here and there on how overactive or overzealous a 'Facebooker' (and now a 'Google Plus-er' - ??) I am, or that how whenever they open their FB, all they see is a series of contiguous posts shared by me and nothing else, I have never really heard too many complaints. Either people are really patient or tolerant, or they hardly use FB, or the most likely explanation - they have discovered that they can block or reduce the frequency of a person's posts on their wall by a simple settings change. Well that was the case, until a couple of weeks back, when one of my oldest friends told me, over Facebook chat - where all of our communication nowadays is limited to anyway, that she is removing me from her 'closest friends' list, because doing that sends you a notification for each and every activity of the concerned person, and the tsunami of notifications for my all too frequent unleashing of information on the world was simply too much for her to handle.
Appreciating her honesty,
I just told her,
I am sorry but I can't help myself,
for I am, but a compulsive sharer.
Mind you, I am not the stereotypical social networking junkie that abound in all those memes floating around the Web. I don't share pictures of my meals, or cute kitten and puppy videos (sloths are a one off exception!), or check-ins of every step I take, every move I make, and not even random musings spouting in my brain as status updates (that's reserved for this blog). I do however, HAVE TO share every beautiful piece of music I happen to listen to, or any pair of striking, fascinating, eye-opening, resonating lines put together and set to music, or an article highlighting a pertinent issue I feel strongly about, or maybe just a goofy write up that I couldn't help LOL-ing at, or the latest accomplishments of my favorite tennis player, or the latest, potentially ground breaking study in the field of biology. Basically, anything that I enjoy, get excited about, or anything that touches me, concerns me - I have to share. Its like my enjoyment or indulgence in that particular piece will not climax, as it were, if I did not unleash it upon all my friends and acquaintances. And this phenotype's expression is not confined to the realm of the virtual world. During my masters, a few of my classmates had nicknamed me the 'storyteller'. Because I couldn't help but narrate seemingly unending stories of incidents that happened to me or others, in excruciating detail, and would only stop until I was finished or it would get clear from the audience's facial expressions that they are longing for the second they can walk away from that 'conversation' (goes totally against my general reputation of being shy and reserved though). Its just that in the virtual world, you don't have access to that instant feedback a.k.a. the 'speak-one-more-word-and-I-will-blow-my-brains-out' look! So basically, in order to truly enjoy something, I just have to share it with other people. Of course, I am not naive enough to think that everything I enjoy would also tickle everyone else's imagination, but that is not a compulsive sharer's prime concern when he strikes gold. He just has to disperse it, as far and wide as possible, and it may or may not reach the appropriate destination. Its the recipients' choice to ignore it or receive it. In case I am assured of the likelihood of a particular entity being definitely enjoyed a specific person, I in fact even tend to personally share it with them and not the whole bunch on a social network. I am confused if this is a manifestation of an attention-seeking personality as people might tend to call it, but that is definitely not the intention. As I say, its a compulsion. I am sure that in the current society, where every out of the ordinary personality trait or quirk is quickly labeled as some sort of a disorder (for good reason though, more often than not), they have a specific term or word for this kind of insanity which doesn't allow me to fully enjoy something without sharing it, and that there would perhaps be hundreds of thousands others like me out there. But I would like to believe that it is not out of an attention-seeking habit, or self-esteem issues, or lack of a life (though the latter might be dangerously close to the truth). Once the deed is done, I don't constantly keep checking or hoping that someone would read it or listen to it, like it, comment on it. Nah! But if someone does tend to tell me that they really loved the song or artist I shared, and they look forward to more music - it does make my day. Dispensing incredible music gives me an inexplicable high. Now this has begun to start sounding like I am justifying myself for some reason, so I will abruptly stop. Huh! .. what do you know, isn't it ironic that for a compulsive sharer, I have so little material for my own blog!?