Jaaye to jaaye kahan???????

So the vicious cycle continues......... another entrance exam, another failure. This time, it was JNU - 3 courses. Had high expectations for at least 2 of them after the exam ............. result day arrives ................ not selected - not selected - not selected. It was like someone stabbed me right in the heart three times!!! For the first time, the results of an entrance exam had affected me so deeply.

With these results, all the pent up frustration and doubts have crept back in. But on the fateful day, i.e. Sunday, the 27th of June, the over-powering emotion was of anger. Anger at not being selected in the Bioinformatics course. The exam had gone off pretty well, as far as I thought. Maybe, in fact, in all probability, I am mistaken. Maybe I performed horribly. I make no pretensions that I prepared a lot for the exam or anything. In fact, I hardly prepared, I admit, and probably don't deserve to be selected. But my anger's origin owed to a different realization. The realization of the utter worthlessness of my post-graduate degree. Though when I took up M.Sc. Bioinformatics, I wasn't so sure, but over the course of the two years, I fell in love with this subject. I got it ...... I enjoyed it. But now that MSc is over, and a dark, uncertain future looms ahead, I begin to doubt the sanity of this judgment. Was I a lunatic to take up something as new and fresh as Bioinfo? For one, it has not done anything at improving my chances at clearing any of the exams that I MUST clear, to have any hope of a career in research in a good lab - CSIR-NET, DBT, ICMR and so on. Leave these exams, which totally cater to students of pure life sciences, a masters in Bioinformatics from any Indian university is not even good enough to give you an edge in the ONE exam meant solely for Bioinformaticians - BINC - BioInformatics National Certification examination. Even in this exam, a MCA or computer science grad, who has excellent programming skills and a basic, working knowledge of biology and bioinformatics, is much more likely to succeed than a BIOINFORMATICS post-graduate! Irony anyone? It's a different matter altogether though that the people in charge of this exam have such high standards that NOT EVEN A SINGLE person was found worthy twice in the short 5-6 year history of this exam.

Even in case of an entrance exam for a PhD in bioinformatics, (not many of which are there in India btw), as in the afore mentioned JNU exam, THERE WAS NOT A SINGLE QUESTION RELATED TO BIOINFORMATICS. The whole paper was based on logic, maths, physics, chemistry, statistics, and computer sciences, with a few biology questions thrown in for courtesy sake I guess. So the message I get from this is, that you'll welcome physicians, chemists, mathematicians, computer and programming experts to pursue a PhD in Bioinformatics with open arms, but the doors are shut, or tightly jammed for a trained, PG student of Bioinformatics!!??? Believe me, I'm not implying that a Bioinformatician need not know these subjects, or experts in these fields should not be allowed in Bioinfo, nor am I trying to absolve myself of the responsibility of studying for these tests, which clearly state that students from these fields are "particularly encouraged" to apply! Biology already is extremely generous - welcoming students from all fields- any entrance for a biotech or bioinfo course is always open for maths, physics, chemistry, stats, computer sc. students too with no biology background whatsoever...... All I am saying is, where does a Bioinfo PG go!? You can't clear NET as easily as other life sc students, there is hardly any requirement for bioinfo teachers in good universities, the exams "meant for your subject" are "not designed or meant to be cleared by you"....... aakhir, jaaye to jaaye kahan!?

Anyway, all I can do is - try! And try I will, in another 20 days, at ICMR. Let's see how that goes. But from the looks of it this is the kind of a situation (this vicious cycle of entrance exams followed by disappointment), which reminds me of my favorite lines from one of my favorite songs - "jo khatm ho kissi jagah, yeh aisa silsila nahi...........".

Why I loved RAAVAN

I guess my blog is taking on a "one post a month" form..... not the way I had envisaged it to be, but what can I do? Laziness has no cure......

This year, many hugely anticipated movies are scheduled for release. The first of them, Kites, turned out to be a huge, HUGE, disaster.......as I found out yesterday when it came on T.V. When it came out, I had been told not to bother watching it even if someone offered to pay for your ticket. I whole heartedly agree now, it wasn't even worth the time spent watching it on TV!!!

The next big release in line was Rajneeti, which has done pretty well, followed by Raavan, the movie which I had been waiting anxiously for, along with Action Replay and Guzaarish. That should tell you, that I am a HUGE Aishwarya Rai fan!!! :P But the directors associated with each of these projects too add to their appeal. Anyway, so Raavan released on the 18th June, and after finishing a grueling, frustrating 7 hour CSIR exam on the 20th, I rushed off to Sangam, and bought three tickets for the next show. And imagine my surprise to see no queue at the ticket counter, on a Sunday, for a MEGA release like Raavan, and that too in a cheap-skate hall like Sangam!!! I assumed all the bad publicity and reviews of the past two days were at work. Anyway, we set out at 6:30 for the show, and were made to sit through a nihaayati boring documentary on Emus n their farming in India!!! I mean, what happened to the good ol' trailers!!!???

Now the whole world might be trashing the movie, but I loved it. Nothing new in that, those who know me will say, considering I almost always like the movies shunned by the rest of the world, (read Saawariya, The Village, Zinda etc.) and tend to shun the movies which majority likes (Om Shanti Om, - the worst movie ever made in the history of cinema according to me). The basic complaint with both Saawariya and Raavan is the same, - that there is no story, nothing moves forward or backward, its static, nothing happens.......!!! Rubbish I say......!!! First of all, Raavan is nothing but a different take on the basic premise of the Ramayan. Now, its quite contradictory, and nonsensical, according to me, to say that a movie based on the greatest epic ever told has no storyline!!! pffft...... Plus, the movie is sol layered, that a black - n - white objective view cannot be applied here. I can understand why some people may have found it boring, n I assume these are the kind of people who made OSO one of the biggest blockbusters ever! :P ......

For one, I have never seen a movie more aesthetically shot. Each and every frame of Raavan is pure, visual delight. I for one was left wondering, where in India such pure, untamed wilderness, n virgin forests are still found!!!! The waterfall, an integral part of the movie, was breathtaking, and so was watching the lead protagonists trying to scale it. For sure, the movie had me in its folds within the first 20 minutes or so, with the song Behne De. The way that song has been incorporated in the movie, and the way it has been pictured, shows the class of Mani Ratnam as a director. Very rarely do the lyrics of a song fit the situation in such an apt manner in hindi movies. Aishwarya, in a dazzling performance, betrays perfectly all the emotions a person in that situation would go through, fear, anger, feigned courage, helplessness.......... while during that particular song, Abhishek's Beera is totally bewildered and flabbergasted with the courage of this slight, young woman....... played to the tee by Abhishek. Though I agree, in general his performance throughout the movie was jerky, and overdone and overcooked. But seriously, words fail me. I cannot describe the poetry n beauty of how that song lifts up the movie, its worth going to see the movie in a theater just for this, or rather, all the songs. Never before has music been so beautifully used in a movie, and actually carries forward the story. What the dialogs do not state, the lyrics of the songs exemplify. For e.g., thok de gilli exposes the under-stated Naxal element of the storyline, with its hard-hitting lyrics. The lyrics of Katta Katta, act like a double edged sword, literally referring to the plight of the groom one day before the wedding, and also serving as an indication of the imminent downfall of Beera and his clan. (Or maybe I read too much into it! :P) ..... What took me by surprise was how the chartbuster Raanjha Raanjha was used. You don't get to hear the actual song in its entirety in the movie as such. Instead, the lyrics of the song are almost chanted or narrated, in the voice of Richa Sharma at fist, and then Ila Arun in the movie, to lay the foundation of emergence of Ragini's growing attraction towards Beera. And Khilli re Khilli, has to be the most aesthetically choreographed songs in recent times, with Aishwarya delivering a graceful and beautiful performance. i believe, her chemistry with Vikram was even more sparkling as compared to that with Abhishek. Basically, awesome ,music by Rehman, beautiful lyrics by Gulzar and very intelligent use of both by Ratnam.

Except for Mr. Bachchan, none of the performances were found wanting. Aishwarya really excelled in a role, tailor-made for her, though appearing a bit too shrieky n shrill in a couple of sequences. The most impressive were the supporting cast, primarily, Govinda, Ravi Kissen n Priyamani. Watching Govinda's take on Hanuman, I somewhere felt he was born to essay this role - the perfect Hanuman. Though in the guise of a forest guard, his antics, n the tree -to -tree jumping skills, (which frankly speaking looked quite unrealistic) and expressions remind you instantly of the monkey-faced deity and he fits the bill to play the traditional version of Hanuman, I say. Ever since Bigg Boss, I have found Ravi Kissen really really irritating and intolerable, but in this movie he was quite watchable and his character, though under-written, does manage to leave an impression. Priyamani too impresses in the couple of scenes and a song she is there. It is with the introduction of her character, that the Ratnam twist on the classical Ramayan begins to unfold. Suddenly, Raavan is not the ultimate villain, and Ram not the immaculate hero. I quite liked this twist, as the movie progressed, you get to see the humanized version of Ram in darker and darker shades. Vikram is quite convincing, though never great in this role.

I really don't know why this movie failed to impressed the masses. Or did it really? Cuz most people I know who actually saw the movie have appreciated it. The reviews too were a mixed bag, and the Tamil version is a runaway hit. I guess, its just the media hype, and the usual "build something up to epic proportions and then drag it down mercilessly" phenomenon on which the TV industry thrives on today. Also, a failure to appreciate the cinematic beauty of the exchanges between the lead pair, the various internal conflicts each of the character goes through, may have put off some people. What really pissed me off was the insipid, mind-numbingly boring and mediocre dialog writing. The dialogs simply lacked conviction and strength which the characters demanded, and miserably failed to put the point across. However, the brilliant performances made up for that most of the time. I really believe it is one step ahead for commercial hindi cinema, and a movie which is truly deserving of a visit to the theater, even if only for the brilliant cinematography and music.

Goodbye.

It's been a long time since the last post, and with good reason. I finally did take something seriously, my project work. But now it's all over, and I'm now, Aditya Sharma, B.Sc., M.Sc.!

Never in my wildest dreams a few years ago, had I ever imagined that I'd ever do a Masters, that too M.Sc. For me, it was something very high on the intellectual ladder, something which extremely brilliant people do, others just get a graduation and get a job. If I had only known better.............!!

It all seems surreal still, can't really fathom that a split-second decision made at the spur of the moment, could have led to all this - these two amazing years of my life spent in Pondicherry. My decision to do a Masters was a well-thought one, unlike the one regarding B.Sc. I just didn't want to remain only a graduate all my life. I know, not the best of reasons to get into higher education, but doing a M.Sc. at that point of time was an absolute must for me, an essential qualification that I HAD to obtain. But then again, Bioinformatics was never on my radar, and Pondicherry most definitely not!!!! I used to see scores of advertisements from dozens of Universities all over India, in The Hindu, everyday, many from the south of India. But never was I compelled to apply. And I have no clue what drove me to apply  for Pondicherry Central University. And also, what propelled me to change my original course of choice (Ecology) to Bioinformatics. It was a decision taken in a split-second, when a friend's mother was getting the application procedure for her done, and I was asked to decide on the spot whether I wanted it to be done for myself too. And I said YES!!!!

It feels weird to think what my life would have been, had I said no then. There are a multitude of possibilities, but I had said YES. And all the events which henceforth followed, such as giving two exams on the same day (TERI & PCU), extreme difficulty in finding the center for PCU, bioinfo exam, these two being the only two entrances I managed to clear, taking admission in TERI (where I always wanted to study, albeit in a different course than the one I was offered), then making up my mind to drop a year and withdrawing admission from TERI, and finally, getting a call letter from PCU on the very same day I ditched TERI. In retrospect, it reaffirmed my faith in the butterfly effect.

Initially the stay in Pondicherry was conceptualized as just a six-month long experience, to fulfill some fantasies, such as travelling alone, staying in a hostel, experiencing life away from home. I still can't pin-point when did I decide to stick it out for the long haul, and complete the course. But I do know for sure, it was this awesome bunch of 18 people I met here ( 2 later left), along with the scenic beauty of the place, and the jungle like nature of my new dwelling place, which compelled me to do so.

I had never realized how quickly time flies by, as I did in the past 2 years. These two years have gone by in a blink. Seems like it was just yesterday I left home. But, I also changed, a LOT, in this one day. A little older, a little wiser, a little more cynical, a lot more confident and comfortable in my own skin.

And now, as I type this blog post from my computer in my Lab, it strikes me that these are the last few hours I'm spending in this lab, which for the greater part of the last two years, has been my home (yup, the lab is where I spent more time, as compared to the hostel). It really is an unpleasant feeling when it strikes you that whatever you are indulging in, could be the last time you are doing it, whether u liked that thing or not. I have been plagued by this feeling for the last couple of weeks now, when every look at the beautiful shades in the sky during the daily ritual of the sun rising and setting, every chirp from one of the plethora of beautiful winged-creatures that abound here, every sight of each and every corner of the university bathed in a sea of spring -time yellow finery, every whiff of the refreshing sea breeze (except when it is accompanied with the stench of drying fish), every morsel of inedible, unfit-for-human-consumption food, every laugh and cup of tea shared with my friends, reminded me , that this could be the last one! And now, finally those last moments have actually arrived.


For almost the entire year gone by, I bitched and complained about each and everything I hate about this place. Till a few weeks back, I couldn't wait to get out of here. I still am relieved to a great extent, of being deprived of all those things that made me miserable. But, somehow, it's not accompanied with happiness. It's not a nice feeling now that the good I'm leaving behind strikes me as hard as the bad. There is just so much that I'm leaving behind - student life, hostel life, complete independence, awesome friends, super fast unrestricted internet connection, living in a jungle, awesome sunrises and awesome sunsets, always being near d beach.

Am I gonna miss all this? of course. Am I wary of the uncertainty that the future holds? YES. But I still look forward to the future, back to the familiarity of the place I love, Delhi, and my home, and keeping all the good of Pondicherry university meanwhile firmly with me. I may not be able to say with the utmost certainty that I'm happy or glad about it, but I definitely do not regret saying that YES!!

Delhi University: The road to DU.

After more than a month of oscillating between periods of extreme workaholism and utter wastage of time (the latter eclipsing the former in both frequency and duration), I have finally decided to get back to the instrument of my salvation. This is one of the rare occasions where the mind is brimming with topics to write about. But the past few weeks have been very nostalgic with regards to the years spent in Sri Venkateswara College, or lovingly called as "Venky", University of Delhi. And all thanks to Facebook, the glue holding so many people all over the world together with their near and dear ones. The trigger seemed to be the uploading some of the photographs from the good ol' days in Venky, along with conversations and chats with many of my fellow guinea pigs. So here's an attempt to capture the best and worst of those days, while they are still slightly fresh in my memory.

Unlike most ambitious kids nowadays, I had never given much thought to what I would wanna do with my life after school. Yes for sure, there was the standard dream of becoming a doctor, given a keen interest in biology and total disdain for engineering. I had coasted through my years in school with pretty good grades without much hard work. I guess, that proved to be my undoing. I just couldn't get myself to put in the effort required to clear the onerous entrance examinations to get into a medical school. Very casually, after the board exams of class 12th ended, I indulged in all the delights deprived to me during the Boards, actually there was just one, watching television. I would eventually pick up the books, for an hour or so, just before going to bed. To me, that was more than enough. As for joining one of the myriad coaching institutes mushrooming all over, grilling students into entrance-exam clearing machines, it was out of the question. Hell, I'm too good for that! I was ashamed of even taking tuition for maths in 11th and 12th grades, though gave in to my mother's insistence. But that was as far as I'd bend. I stood my ground and staunchly refused to take classes for Physics, Chemistry or Medical entrance exams. Needless to say, each and every entrance exam was a zor ka jhatka, jo kaafi zor se laga.......! Still I kept up the charade of preparing for these exams for the two months after board exams. By the time I had realized that I don't stand a chance of clearing any of them, at least that year, it was time for the madness that descends on Delhi annually, the Delhi University admissions! Every year, from June 1st to 15th, admission forms are up for sale for the 80 odd colleges and numerous other departments and institutes that constitute the great University of Delhi (DU). Lakhs of students from all over India grapple for 60,000 odd seats in these colleges. And then from 25th June to 15th July the admission mayhem begins. This is seriously, one of the most entertaining phases in the year on Indian news channels. Their coverage of the newbie school students taking their first steps out in the "real world", some with their over-protective parents haggling along, while others trying to make it on their own, makes for an entertaining watch! Fashion trends are keenly observed, and college rivalries are played out at their optimum. Student Unions get into the act of impressing and attracting new followers and voters, and offer various sops and "assistance". Its an exciting time all around, as it was for me, making rounds of the South and North Campuses, attending orientation programmes, buying forms, trying to decide on the most favorable course and college option. It helped that I had secured enough marks in 12th to score a decent college and course. Like many others who appear for the afore mentioned entrance exams for medical and engineering colleges casually in their first attempt, I had a PLAN B - which was, not to waste one year, take admission in DU, (also can be read as, block some other kid's seat), spend that one year sincerely preparing for these entrances, and cracking them next year. It seemed easy and simple enough. So I took admission in B.Sc. life sciences, at Sri Venkateswara College, a five minute bus ride away from my home. It was an easy enough choice on the college, but not so much on the course. Though I was not severely inflicted with Decidophobia at that time, I was still switching from Life sciences to botany to anthropology to geology to english to history to chemistry. But keeping in mind my Plan B, I went for Life sciences, thinking it would be ideal for my medical preparation. So after a horrifying interview at St. Stephens, I took admission in Venky, and thus became a part of the elite DU alumni.

Going through a phase of Writer's block..........if any one is checking that is...... :-D

Back to Pondy!!!

So after 3 weeks of sleeping, watching T.V., and GORGING on home food, woh manhoos ghadi aa hi gayi. It was time to go back to Pondy. So I embarked on this ominous 28 hour journey to Chennai with my friend. So far, we have taken this journey 6 times, and each time our moronic luck would put us in the company of some or the other kind of freaks in the train. This time was no exception. A 28 - 36 hour train journey itself is an ordeal, and the effect is amplified ten times if your co-passengers are annoying. All I wished for was a quiet, comfortable trip. But NO!!!!!! I had to be clubbed with a bunch of intrusive Haryanvi senior citizens, out on a pilgrimage. And it wasn't just those five who occupied the seats around us. It was a BIG, extended family - extended to the point that they themselves really didn't know much about some of the others. And they were spread throughout the train. However for some reason, they all chose to come and chit-chat in our seats for most of the trip!! So me and my friend, two poor, little, hapless chaps were surrounded by 4-5 aunty jis, (who all seemed to have a loud speaker built into their vocal cords) and an equal number of uncle jis, who had an opinion on each and everything in the world! But none of them were as much as thorn in my flesh as compared to their guru ji, the guy who was apparently the head of the family, and ran an ashram. My entire journey was spent in focusing all my energy towards ignoring and tolerating this guy and his bigoted pravachans (sermons)! And they all started their hobnobbing at 4 am in the morning! No wonder I had a splitting headache throughout the day. What is more, I gave up my lower berth to one of them, cause of her age, and took a middle berth. And how do they thank me? By unceremoniously kicking me out of the berth at 9 am (I had barely manage to fall asleep again after the rude 4 am wake up alarm), telling me that berth reservation is not valid throughout the day!!! Boy, that sure was an exercise in self-control!!! Later on in the day, one of the aunty jis insisted on dragging us into a conversation. After interrogating me about my entire family history in a manner that would put an FBI agent to shame, a marwari connection came up and all my hopes for a quite afternoon to recover from the headache went poof in the air! And my so called friend decided to make hay while the spotlight shone on me, and crawled into the upper berth for a nap. I was left alone to tackle her incessant queries. The only bleak, bright spot in this whole ordeal was that they took us for working professionals, and after being constantly mistaken for a school kid by people (and watching their jaws drop when they learn that I was pursuing my post - graduation), it was nice change to be considered your own age!

Anyway, the worst was yet to come. So we managed to survive the journey from hell and reach Chennai. We got out of the railway station, managed to avoid the thieves (read auto wallahs), cross the road and take a bus for the inter state bus terminal. All was fine. Bus was as usual crowded. No big deal. WE bought the tickets. Ours and for the luggage. I had the latter. A lot of pushing and shoving. I managed to get a seat. Actually, I was pushed into one. The bus terminal came. We got down. Police standing just out of the bus to greet us. "Ticket please". My friend shows the tickets and gets ready to leave. "Luggage ticket???". I put my hand in my pocket. "Oh crap!!!". I check all my pockets. "Oh Shit!!!". My friend looks bewildered. I say "Sir I think I dropped it in Bus". "---something in tamil I didn't understand-----". Then basically I turned all my pockets inside out a zillion times, looking for that magical bits of papers that will land us out of this soup. But I guess my pockets didn't have the ability to produce them. I must have lost the tickets amidst all the pushing and shoving. I thought I'll look in the bus, and ask the conductor to be our witness and tell these people that we did buy the ticket. And sure enough when I looked up, there were the taillights blinking and mocking me from a distance, as if saying "haha, ur screwed boy!!". Meanwhile, The man who kept shouting "no arguments, no arguments" at us, and simultaneously pretending that he didnt understand a word of english and whatever we were trying to tell him, now threatened to pick up our bags and keep it in his jeep if we didnt shell out Rs 1000/- as fine. My friend by now had gotten all hot and fired up, was ready to fight with them. I realized there was no way out other than paying the fine. And after all, it was kinda my fault, not being able to keep hold of two tiny pieces of paper. I was ready to pay the fine. Especially after the guy offered to be generous and only charge fine on 1 person, i.e. Rs 500. But my friend would have none of it. Finally I managed to convince him, and tell him it was my fault. Actually, After such a long train and bus journey, I was in no mood to take another trip in a jeep, and that too, to the Police station. Basically after a lot of bi-lingual (english and tamil) arguing, shouting, and turning in and out of pockets, I paid the Rs 500 fine, signed a paper and we were left off. But obviously not before a sizable crowd had accumulated, whispering in an alien language and pointing fingers at us, and made us feel like a couple of petty shameful criminals.

The next five minutes went in calming down my friend. A silent dinner followed. Then we got into a bus for Pondy. It was almost 11 in night. Bus started at 11:30. Now it was my turn to get silent. The combined effect of the humiliation just suffered, and the fact that I was back in this part of the world, away from home, away from my warm quilt, away from my beloved T.V., away from the delicious delhi winters, away from the wholesome ghar ka khaana, away from di n ma, took its toll on me and withdrew me into my silent reverie. My friend tried to cheer me up by telling obnoxious, bachpan waale PJs, and they kinda worked. We covered the three hour journey mostly in silence. And then we were there. Pondicherry University. At 3 am. Same as ever. And it felt like, I'm finally out of a dream, and back to reality. Back to what will be for the next 4 months more, my home.